NHL + Media: Roenick, Roenick, and Don Cherry

The first full week of the season did not disappoint, both in terms of quality of games (which you obviously care the most about) and depth of material for this column (which you SHOULD care the most about, right? right?). So, let’s get right to it shall we?

This Week In… Olczyk (TKO) def. Roenick.

Before the season started, I kept on mentioning how I was so excited for the double trouble super duo combination of Mike Milbury and Jeremy Roenick gracing our television screens on an almost nightly basis to provide us “expert analysis.” Ever since the Blackhawks’ run to the Stanley Cup, I’ve found myself enjoying these two men talking, well mostly shouting, lovably incoherent and stupid things as they attempt to provide us with some sort of framework through which we could understand the game better. As long as you don’t take them seriously, they provide an absolute feast of entertainment.

And just a little over a week into the new season, they haven’t disappointed. Milbury went on one of his old, beautiful curmudgeonly rants last week, and this one, well, this week we were once again reminded just how JR’s mind operates.

Let’s just ignore the fact that of the five teams Roenick selected as the best in the league as of right now (because we definitely need to be ranking teams when we have barely crossed the 3% mark in the regular season), he played on four of them. That’s JR, if you were surprised that he would say something boneheaded like that, or say something even more boneheaded like picking Ilya Breeze-by to win the Vezina, then you need to take a minute to re-evaluate.

Unless you’re Eddie Olczyk. Then by all means, do what you did this past week on NHL Overtime and give every indication that if there weren’t any cameras around, or if it wasn’t so illegal, you would have gutted Roenick from the inside-out.

I mean, did you guys see that!? Edzo wanted to kill JR! The unquestionably best quote of the young season so far, responding to Roenick quoting something he thought Olczyk had said:

"“Listening is a skill, and you need to take a class in it, because that is not what I just said.”"

And BOOM goes the dynamite.

Please, NBC, if you know what is good for you, keep these two guys on the show and bring Milbury over as well. If that wouldn’t become appointment television, then I don’t know what will.

This Week In… What? You Thought We Were Done with JR?

Not surprisingly, Roenick had something else he absolutely had to get of his chest this past week. Let’s let the man take it away for himself:

"“I love watching Sidney Crosby, but aren’t you guys sick of all this by now? I’m sick of it. I’m sick and tired of listening to Sidney Crosby saying, ‘Nothing is new yet.’”"

Not to be outdone by himself, he continued:

"“Just don’t interview him anymore. I know he’s the best player in the league, the best player in the world… Head shots are very, very difficult. I’m not saying he’s not hurt. There’s no question. I’ve been hit very, very hard. I understand what concussions are all about. You have to be concerned about this. But enough.”"

Just so everything is clear as it stands now: Jeremy Roenick thinks Sidney Crosby is the best player in the world; he knows all about concussions; but shut up. And now, for the icing on the “Jeremy Roenick talks circles around himself” cake:

"“Get on the ice, let’s get going. … Let’s start hitting. Let’s get back in. I don’t wanna hear every day ‘How’s your head? How’s your head? How’s your head? I don’t wanna watch Sidney Crosby tell me every single day how there’s nothing new to report.”"

Some of you might find these quotes offensive. But, in JR’s defense, Sidney Crosby does actually call him up every single day to tell him how there’s nothing new to report about his recovery process. No joke, you guys. Every morning, as JR’s about to double down on whatever he’s eating that’s making him look like a leather-faced 1980s Don Johnson, Sidney’s just all up in his business, telling him constantly thing nothing is happening.

In all seriousness though, I kind of understand and can relate to the frustration behind this rant. It is annoying to constantly get updates on how there are no updates on Crosby’s recovery process. However, like most normal human beings, you just tune that stuff out. He’s the best player on the planet and the league’s golden boy, if you didn’t expect such a significant injury to Crosby to get this sort of attention, then you’ve clearly not been watching the sport over the last half decade.

This Week In… An Intelligent Discussion on Head Trauma

No, seriously! It’s actually possible to have these! I know it’s hard to believe, but apparently not everyone in the media is a raving lunatic. There’s really nothing more I can add to this besides simply reiterating that this was a very well-constructed discussion on the most important issue in hockey, and sports in general, right now. Do check it out if you’ve got 18 minutes to spare, and big thanks to Justin Bourne’s “Backhand Shelf” blog for posting it for the wide audience.

This Week In… SportsCenter

18 minutes. I managed to watch a little less than 7 hours of SportsCenter over this past week. And the total amount of time they spent on hockey was 18 minutes. Please insert your own vulgar commentary below.

This Week In… Don Cherry Admits He Was Wrong; In Related News, the Sky Is Falling

A week after calling out Chris Nilan, Stu Grimson and Jim Thomson for what he believed was them taking advantage of the slew of tragic deaths to NHL enforcers this past summer in order to further their political points—blatantly calling them “pukes” and “hypocrites” in the process—Don Cherry has finally apologized publicly to the three men for making that statement and being wrong. It follows a week of Cherry sticking to his guns, but I guess the threat of legal action, something the players alluded they’d pursue if Cherry didn’t recant the statements, made him realize that his guns don’t have that kind of firepower.
Nilan issued an acceptance of Cherry’s apology over Twitter and stated that they are “friends again.” Oh good, because that was real concern in all of this; not the Original Craig Sager having to come down from his pedestal for a minute and admit that, maybe he’s not so sharp. Then again, as is usually the case when Don Cherry opens his mouth, he became the story; which honestly is his only intention for ever doing or saying anything. And in that sense, maybe he’s as sharp as he ever been. Like a rustic knife cutting into a steak of stupid… I don’t even know what I mean by that, I just wanted to call him stupid.

Follow Sahil Patel on Twitter: @sahilness, like a boss.