It’s Halloween, and here at Puck Prose, we thought we’d have a little fun with everyone’s favorite excuse to eat processed sugar. Here are a few hockey players as classic Halloween candies.
NHL players are like Halloween candies. You’ve got people who love them and people who can’t stand them. Everyone has their opinion on certain players, and with most of them, there’s not too much middle ground.
People have similar feelings about Halloween candies. Take candy corn, for example. Not too many people “like” it. They either LOVE it or think it’s the most disgusting thing ever. And unless you want a fight, don’t start talking about Almond Joy or Smarties. Friendships have been lost over disagreements about Halloween candy. Likewise, some friendships have been burned to the ground because of differing opinions about hockey players.
No matter what kind of player you like, hockey’s got one. Likewise, no matter what your taste palate prefers, there’s a good Halloween candy for you.
Ryan Suter – Gobstopper
Gobstoppers might not be the most spectacular candy, but they’ve been destroying molars of unsuspecting trick-or-treaters for decades. As part of the Wonka brand, they’re a high profile candy whether they deserve the recognition or not.
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While it seems like yesterday, Ryan Suter signed that ridiculous $98 million contract with the Minnesota Wild five years ago. In ensuing years, the hockey community has struggled to decide whether he’s worth the coin.
Suter is elite in one aspect: eating ice time. Not unlike a Gobstopper, he’s in it for the long haul, including an eye-popping 29:25 time on ice per night in his first full season with the Wild back in 2013-14.
It’s remarkable how long Suter has lasted. Likewise, a Gobstopper can last you a very long time. It’s not a taste for everyone because of how long it takes to properly enjoy one. But just like Suter, if you like longevity, Gobstoppers are perfect. To complete the comparison, he has the approximate personality of a jawbreaker.