Hockey Films: Casting “Threat Level Midnight” with NHL players

Everyone loves good hockey films and a good laugh. So, it’s safe to say that everyone would love a funny hockey film. How about an unofficially official hockey movie?

The Office is a very popular television series that aired on NBC, taking place in a paper supply company called Dunder Mifflin. The fun-loving and nieve regional manager, Michael Scott, is a beloved TV character, but there’s something about Michael that is often underappreciated and unnoticed.

Michael Scott loves hockey. He went public skating with full hockey equipment on for his birthday. He has invited clients to Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins games, who are the AHL-affiliates of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

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The most notable showing of Michael’s love for hockey was in his own movie, in which he wrote, directed, and acted in, called Threat Level Midnight. In it, Michael played the good-guy secret agent, Michael Scarn, with his robot side-kick Samuel, who was portrayed by the top salesman, Dwight Schrute.

The President of the United States, played by Darryl Philbin, warned Scarn of a threat from the villain, Golden Face, who was going to blow up the NHL All-Star Game. Scarn was taught the ropes of the game by Cherokee Jack, played by the oldest man in the office, Creed Bratton. Ultimately, he was betrayed by the President out of nowhere but still came out on top in the end.

But my question is this: what NHL players represent the characters in that movie within a show? First, let’s use the setting of the show, Pennsylvania, to determine most of the characters.

Michael Scarn, being the good-guy, would only make sense if he were portrayed by Sidney Crosby. Everyone in Pittsburgh sees Crosby as the face of the franchise, as Michael is the face of the movie.

Now for Dwight’s character, Samuel, as Crosby’s side-kick. Who better to be Crosby’s side-kick than Evgeni Malkin, right?

Then, there’s the President. Who came into the Penguins organization, giving them everything they were looking for, just to abandon or betray them? Phil Kessel, of course. Kessel came in, won back-to-back cups, then left to Arizona with a hint of controversy.

Now, who’s old man Cherokee Jack? For those that don’t know, Cherokee Jack “died” in the film, which inspired Scarn to keep pushing. Now, in this instance, let’s say “died” means retired. Pascal Dupuis has to be that guy that “mentored” Crosby into “saving the day”. It would only make sense, right?

Now, who’s the enemy? This takes even more digging. Golden Face, played by the laid-back prankster Jim Halpert, was portrayed by the real actor, John Krasinski. Krasinski was born in Massachusetts, growing up to become a Bruins fan. Pittsburgh does have a bit of a rivalry with Boston in many different ways. Who better suits a “bad-guy” role in Boston than Brad Marchand?

In Conclusion

Although the hockey film was never truly made into a real movie, at least not yet, people like me will always be waiting. A movie with Crosby and Malkin trying to stop Marchand, after getting betrayed by Kessel, is a film worth waiting to be produced. Or, you know, just the film with its normal characters, because who doesn’t want a nice mixture of the world’s greatest sport and The Office, right?