The NHL All-Hate Team: We Hate These Guys

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Feb 25, 2015; Washington, DC, USA; NHL commissioner Gary Bettman speaks to the media prior to the game between the Washington Capitals and the Pittsburgh Penguins at Verizon Center. Mandatory Credit: Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports

Hate. It’s the rawest of emotion, coming in all forms. Unlike “love” where we need a good reason for it, most times hate is completely irrational. And as hockey fans, we’re okay with that.

Let’s face it: we all love our teams and while we may not care for the opposition, we don’t necessarily hate them either. We want them to lose, but the mere sight of them doesn’t make your skin crawl and have you openly rooting against them. Well, for most players anyway.

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You see, there is a special group of players that transcend the rest and unless they are on your favorite team, you can’t stand to look at their face. In some respects we should be thankful for these players because they unite us all for the common good: to hate them.

Over the next several pages we’ll go through the “All-Hate Team” of current NHL players. For guys like Dale Hunter and Sean Avery, don’t worry. Your place is reserved on the all-time team.

(Note: Yes, I think it’s fitting that the first image for an All-Hate Team includes Gary Bettman. No, I didn’t differentiate between the forward spots, so we chose three forwards, two defensemen, and a goalie. And no, my editors wouldn’t allow me to go with six Rangers despite my pleas…)

May 16, 2015; New York, NY, USA; Tampa Bay Lightning defenseman Victor Hedman (77) has words with New York Rangers left wing Chris Kreider (20) in front of Tampa Bay Lightning left wing Brenden Morrow (10) during the second period in game one of the Eastern Conference Final of the 2015 Stanley Cup Playoffs at Madison Square Garden. Mandatory Credit: Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports

Chris Kreider, New York Rangers

But they never said I couldn’t have one. And who better to start us off on the All-Hate Team than the 225-pound man-child from one of the league’s top teams? Whether he’s running goalies or running players from behind into the boards, Kreider has the uncanny ability to draw the ire of opposing teams and fans throughout the league. It’s quite amazing that a NHL player with elite skating and speed loses all ability to stop before crashing into a goalie. It’s almost like he’s purposely trying to knock into them…

(Cut to Ranger fans angrily tweeting and showing frame-by-frame shots of Kreider’s leg getting hit by a stick before crashing into Carey Price in the 2014 Conference Finals and eliminating him for the rest of the series.)

Once is a mistake. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a pattern. And when you get up to Kreider’s body county, it’s what he is.

Don’t believe me? Just ask Craig Anderson, Marc-Andre Fleury, Jaroslav Halak, and Carey Price who have all fallen victim to Kreider’s shenanigans.

But what really grates on people? He’s actually a good player and raises his game come playoff time. He’s scored 17 goals in 56 career playoff games, and many of the important variety including a season-saving goal in game 5 of the Conference Semi-Finals against the Capitals.

But that’s for Ranger fans to gloat about. Everyone else gets to hate on his antics and his Count of Monte Cristo facial hair. Welcome to the All-Hate Team, Chris.

May 19, 2015; Anaheim, CA, USA; Anaheim Ducks right wing Corey Perry (10) skates with the puck against Chicago Blackhawks left wing Teuvo Teravainen (86) in the overtime period in game two of the Western Conference Final of the 2015 Stanley Cup Playoffs at Honda Center. Mandatory Credit: Gary Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports

Corey Perry, Anaheim Ducks

How could an All-Hate Team be comprised without Corey Perry? He’s the de facto Captain of the squad and I don’t think anyone outside of Anaheim would disagree with the (dis)honor. He trash talks. He’s physical. He walks the line (and crosses it often). He’s cheap and has a hateable face. But man, can he play.

That’s probably one of the reasons why he is hated so much. A player like him shouldn’t be all those negative things but then be able to have the offensive game like he does. He’s scored 50 goals in a season. He’s scored 40 goals in a season. He’s scored 30 goals in a season three other times. He’s won a Hart Trophy and is one-half of arguably the game’s most dynamic duo.

But seriously, does anyone outside of Anaheim like him? He’s been suspended twice in his career so far and with the style he plays, it’s actually surprising it hasn’t been more. He even had a national television analyst say he’d look to painfully and permanently injure the man (sure, it was Mike Milbury who said it, but still.) And the weird thing? There was probably 75% of the audience who heard that and said to themselves, “yeah, I can get behind that.”

When searching Google with “Corey Perry hate” returns over half a million hits, well, you deserve to be on the All-Hate Team.

Mar 31, 2015; Boston, MA, USA; Boston Bruins left wing Brad Marchand (63) controls the puck during the second period against the Florida Panthers at TD Banknorth Garden. Mandatory Credit: Greg M. Cooper-USA TODAY Sports

Brad Marchand, Boston Bruins

Come on now…you didn’t think we’d have an All-Hate Team without him, did you? The man was called a “little ball of hate” by the President Barack Obama three years ago. When you’re doing things that even cause the leader of the free world to take notice, you’re definitely on the team.

Marchand is the embodiment of a player that’s easy to hate. He’s small. He yaps. He has bigger players sticking up for him when he crosses the line. He’s got game. He’s like a hyper-active Chihuahua on skates…on first glance he may seem cute and lovable and you want him to stick around. After about five minutes, you can’t wait to get rid of him. That’s you Brad Marchand…you’re a Chihuahua.

If you’re the type of person who can’t hate on dogs, then how about players who slew-foot? Because he does that too and was suspended for two games earlier this season for slew-footing Derrick Brassard of the Rangers. And for the first time in his career, he led his team in penalty minutes with 95. Congrats Brad, you’ve made it.

Yes, he’s a hateable character and a no-brainer on our All-Hate Team.

Apr 8, 2015; Columbus, OH, USA; Toronto Maple Leafs defenseman Dion Phaneuf (3) against the Columbus Blue Jackets at Nationwide Arena. The Jackets won 5-0. Mandatory Credit: Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports

Dion Phaneuf, Toronto Maple Leafs

Phaneuf is a truly special case for the All-Hate Team: not only is he despised by fans around the league, I’m fairly confident his own team’s fans hate him too! Quite impressive and when you can pull off that feat, you’re on the team, no questions asked.

The Phaneuf hate is a more recent, Toronto phenomena. He signed a mega-contract extension that was over payment. His best years were with Calgary, yet they had no issues dealing him to Toronto several years ago. Does the fact that many seem to overrate him lead to irrational hate? Probably.

It also probably has something to do with the way he plays. He’s always been somewhat of a head-hunter and trying to catch opposing players with their heads down. That’s enough to draw the ire of opposing fans. But when he refuses to drop the gloves? Yeah, that puts him into another category of hate for fans around the league.

But the truly special mark of Phaneuf hate is from Leaf fans themselves. Every player, no matter how good, will always have a small sector of fans hating on him. But with Phaneuf, that seems to be the majority when you scroll through Leaf message boards and forums. I can’t blame them either. If my team was paying a pylon $7 million a year for seven years, I’d be upset too. For most Leaf fans, it’s not a question of if, but when, Phaneuf will be jettisoned out of Toronto. It can’t happen soon enough for Leaf fans. He’s part of the stench of the previous regime that needs to be flushed.

But for now, Leaf fans and non-Leaf fans can agree on one thing: we hate Dion Phaneuf.

May 7, 2015; Tampa, FL, USA;Montreal Canadiens defenseman P.K. Subban (76) and Tampa Bay Lightning left wing Jonathan Drouin (27) fight to control the puck during the third period in game four of the second round of the 2015 Stanley Cup Playoffs at Amalie Arena. Montreal Canadiens defeated the Tampa Bay Lightning 6-2. Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

P.K. Subban, Montreal Canadiens

This is a tough one for me because personally, I don’t despise him that much. But, it’s tough not to notice the 99% of the fans across the league who enjoy nothing more than watching Subban turn the puck over or flub a slap shot.

The hate stems from a combination of things: he has a flair for the dramatic, and for hockey purists, it’s a trait that should be punishable by firing squad (you know, the old, crusty reporters who wax poetic about the good ol’ days and would prefer a league with six teams only). Subban also has a well-deserved reputation as something of a diver. For the hockey community this is about the lowest attribute a player can have and once the hockey community brands you with that reputation, no amount of scrubbing will cleanse you.

It also doesn’t help Subban that he plays for the most pompous organization in the sport in Montreal. If he were a Coyote or Shark or Hurricane, chances are he’d be regarded as a “new-age” player and an underrated superstar. For an organization that tries to turn every game into a life-changing event, Subban is public enemy number one and is everything that’s wrong with today’s player, even if it’s a misconception.

Like I said, I like Subban and wouldn’t have him here. But, I am a man of the people, and the people have spoken. The All-Hate Team welcomes P.K. Subban.

Apr 25, 2015; Calgary, Alberta, CAN; Calgary Flames left wing Michael Ferland (79) (not pictured) scores on Vancouver Canucks goalie Ryan Miller (30) during the first period in game six of the first round of the 2015 Stanley Cup Playoffs at Scotiabank Saddledome. Mandatory Credit: Candice Ward-USA TODAY Sports

Ryan Miller, Vancouver Canucks

Okay, this one is probably more of a personal thing for me (Jonathan Quick also got serious consideration), although I’m sure fans in Buffalo and St. Louis would agree with me (and there is plenty of hate to go around in Buffalo this week.) My biggest issue with Miller is that for the longest time people fawned over him, yet when you actually watched him play and looked at his career, he was never special for that long. Oh yeah, and his face angers me.

At some point over the last decade someone came up with a narrative that Ryan Miller was an elite goalie. People bought into it, hook, line, and sinker. He was truly special in 2009-10 and earned himself a Vezina Trophy. But beyond that, he was never the best goalie in the league and outside of his 2009-10 season, he only received a Vezina vote in one other season. His statistics have been average and he hasn’t led a team past the first round of the playoffs since 2007. Yet, the narrative was written that he was an elite goalie.

He forced his way out of Buffalo in 2014 only to get bounced again in the first round of the playoffs with St. Louis. The Blues made no effort to re-sign him and he took his talents to Vancouver, where he ended up splitting time with Eddie Lack after injury. And true to form, Miller couldn’t help his team past the first round again this year, getting blitzed for six goals against in a deciding game seven loss to the Flames.

So his play has been average. He’s smug. And he hasn’t won anything in his career for his teams (I won’t even mention the overtime goal he allowed to Canada in the 2010 Olympics.) For all of that Ryan Miller, you’re the perfect choice for the All-Hate Team.

Congrats to all the recipients this year. For those upset they didn’t make the team, all it takes is one despicable act to make your way on here, so chin’s up. Your time could be soon.

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